That is a quote from a dear friend of mine who recently paid $35 to run in a 5K race.  Here is why I agree with her:

1.  Running on the road is like smashing your knees with a baseball bat
2.  Dodging SUVs is always stupid  (they didn't close the roads)
3.  The agonized looks on the faces of the mouth-breathing, foot shuffling masses was heart wrenching
4.  If I pay $35 to do a sport, it better come with chair lifts and snow making, not just an ugly t-shirt

* a moment of silence for the runners in Boston.  Running is stupid, but killing innocents is unforgivable. 

"Scalp massage is supposed to prevent hair loss."

"You've gotten a lot of back rubs, haven't you?"

Have you ever shopped for a 6-year-old's birthday and found the Hello Kitty products more than a little disturbing???  For instance:

• Hello Kitty tape measure for the girly carpenter in your life
• Hello Kitty wine glasses for the girly lush living next door
• Hello Kitty cigarette lighter for the filthy girly smoker
• Hello Kitty shower head - see below

Cheap vodka and an expensive Madagascar vanilla bean from the lesbian herb store.  A match made in heaven!!!

Seriously, did 4.5 lives go in each direction???

1.)  You smell terrific!

2.)  That feels wonderful on my neck.

3.)  Is that a new toothpaste you're using?

My friends, I was recently exposed to individuals speaking in tongues.  This was a very confusing experience for me.  Cab Calloway's song "Minnie the Moocher" came to mind. 

I ask you, what is the difference between the way these two things sound? 

Here are the lyrics I heard:

hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hidee-hi
hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-hodee-ho
scoodley-woo-scoodley-woo-scoodley-woodley-woodley-
woo
zit-dit-dit-dit-dittle-but-dut-duttleoo-skit-dit-
skittle-but-dit-zoy

If you buy a $10 blanket to benefit the Association for the Blind and the blanket is ugly, does the blind person know it?  Oh, who cares???   I gave her my church bake sale cookies and those were for Jesus!!!

When Madonna dresses up for Halloween, does she go as... Madonna?

I loathe made up verbs as much as the next gal (dialogueing, scrapbooking, journaling) and I'm pleased to see that spell check still highlights them, but there are two verbs I'm aching to see in the dictionary: yog and cuis. 

Yog, yogged, yogging - obviously refers to practicing yoga.  I'm almost ready for my Kama Sutra commitment. 

I also like cuis, cuised, cuising - the act of shoving vegetables in the cuisinart.  It's fun, healthy, and cathartic!